Legacies

What is a legacy? Webster's defines legacy as "something transmitted by or received from an ancestor or predecessor or from the past". Legacies are what we are and what we choose to learn from the past greatly affects our future.

There are many things that I received from my Daddy. Physically, I received curly hair, blue eyes and my height. I received some of his creativity and musical talent. I inherited his drive to achieve, the desire for knowledge, and the ability to care deeply. My favorite things about my Daddy are probably too numerous to post in one blog, but I will mention a couple. My faith was greatly impacted by my Daddy. His Bible knowledge astounded me and I miss our discussions about different aspects of the Christian walk. Daddy was also a very talented poet. He had poems on all different types of subjects. Some of the titles included "Popcorn", "Burn Ol'Glory", and one of my favorites, "Mother". He also had a dry and sometimes quirky sense of humor. I miss his jokes, and watching him laugh at his punch lines as he was getting to them.

My opinion is that legacies are living, breathing, and last forever in memories. As my mother reminded me today, I am where I am today because of his legacy. I have the opportunity to share with my children all the talents and memories. But carrying on this legacy is somewhat difficult because it is coming from my memories, and I am afraid that time may fade them.


This is a picture of the first time Daddy saw "Jake". Jake is named after both of his grandfathers. Steven after Jeff's Dad, and Jacob after my Dad. Daddy was so honored that we would give our first born son his name. Jake is probably the only one of my children that will have memories of Daddy. Jake loved having Daddy swing him. Daddy would do it over and over again, just to listen to him laugh. He always said Jake "was a dandy boy". He loved to spend time with Jake.

Jillian was born about the time that Daddy was getting sick. We wondered why God had blessed us "early" since I was finishing my Master's program and we had so much going on at the time. Looking back now, it is obvious why she entered our lives at the time she did. She was the one who was able to get us through this difficult time. Being able to go and spend the time with Daddy that last month was something that I will always treasure. Jillian will never know the impact that she had on Daddy. She brought him great pleasure in his last moments on earth.

This baby will only know of Daddy by our words and our memories. I hope that I am able to pass on as much to her or him as my Daddy did to me.




Daddy, I miss you. Hard to believe that it has been one year today since you started "Dancing with the Angels". Thank you for all you shared with me while you were here. Thank you again for being such a great Father here on earth.


These are lyrics to the song by Monk and Nagle "Dancing with the Angels". And another song that is very near and dear to my heart by Mercy Me "Homesick".

"Dancing with the Angels"

Memories surround me
But sadness has found me
I'd do anything for more time
Never before has someone meant more
And I can't get you out of my mind
There is so much that I don't understand But I know

Chorus: You're dancing with the angels
Walking in new life
You're dancing with the angels
Heaven fills your eyes
Now that you're dancing with the angels

You had love for your family
Love for all people
Love for the Father, and Son
Your heart will be heard In your unspoken words
Through generations to come
There is so much that I don't understand But I know

Chorus

Bridge: We're only here for such a short time
So I'm gonna stand up Shout out And sing Hallelujah
One day I'll see you again

"Homesick"

You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you
I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now
Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I'm still here so far away from home
I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now
In Christ, there are no goodbye
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again
And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

14 weeks and then some...

Well, it has been a week or so since I last posted. Yes, I know that I have been tagged by Anne and maybe someone else, but I am not going to oblige just yet. I wanted to update some other things first. And yes, this is going to be a long post.

Last Thursday, I went to Uvalde to see Dr. Uptergrove (my doctor presently) to check hearttones via the belly for the first time since we had had some problems. It was a little nerve racking because at first he could not find them. After several minutes of searching, he says, "the Siemens rep just dropped off a new sonogram machine for us to try out here in the office, let me go grab it." At this point, I finally took a breath and held it, thinking to myself please, please be there. He rolled in the new machine and booted it up. As soon as he placed the ultrasound head on my belly, there "he/she" was, kicking and squirming all over the place. After I took another deep breath and relaxed, it was fun to lay there watching and wondering about this new life growing inside of me. And I admit, I adore technology and I miss not having a sonogram machine close by at times.

It is neat to have relationships with lots of people. Even moving away from Abilene, I am still connected to the people who have been a huge influence in my life. For example, I am really blessed because Dr. Shudde, who delivered Jake and Jillian, and is one of my mentors, was a roommate with Dr. Uptergrove (small world). When I met Dr. Uptergrove for the first time in person, I felt like I was talking to Dr. Shudde. I immediately felt at ease. Not to mention the fact that he had on cowboy boots. (Dr. Shudde delivered Jake and Jillian with his cowboy boots on :)! )For us, it is now a tradition for our kids to be delivered by someone wearing cowboy boots. It looks like we will be able to keep tradition and take pictures of Dr. Uptergrove in his boots delivering this kiddo, too!

Work has been busy. Lots of viral illness going around, including both Jeff and I. I will be glad when we can get some rain and wash the moutain cedar out of the air, along with the dust. Forecast is slim that we will get any rain any time soon.

We are looking forward to this weekend. Pat and Steven (Jeff's parents) will be coming down from Abilene to see us and help us "build a wall" that we have not been able to finish yet. The kids, especially Jake, are very excited that Nanny and Pa will be here tomorrow.

Lastly,I was informed by someone, "Grief is like an onion". Funny phrase, but, seriously true. It is hard to believe that this time last year, one of the most difficult events of my life was taking place. I was blessed to be able to take a month off of work to care for my Daddy at his home, after being diagnosed with stage IV brain cancer. As a nurse, it is sometimes a blessing and a curse to know what you know. There were times when my faith was tested. There were even a few times when my knowledge of the human body and its limits, were exceeded by reasons that are out of this world. Ultimately, I am so thankful for the precious time I got to spend with him in his final weeks and days. Skip forward to now. I am really struggling with depression. I have been having tearful episodes and not wanting to do anything at all. (Which is problematic knowing that my mother and father-in-law are coming and cleaning, i'll admit, is not a high priority at this point.) It seems like everything has been reminding me of Daddy and I break into tears. I have even stayed home from church because I was afraid of "loosing" it during the song service. As a Christian,I know where he is and I am so thankful that God was merciful and took him home where he would not have to struggle anymore, but I am dealing with a little anger that he had to go "home" so soon. The memories right now are still so fresh and I am really having a rough time peeling off the latest layer of the grief "onion". Having never lost anyone so close before, this one has been tough.

I solicit your prayers for me as well as my family during the next couple of weeks as we remember the life and loss of my dad.