14 weeks and then some...

Well, it has been a week or so since I last posted. Yes, I know that I have been tagged by Anne and maybe someone else, but I am not going to oblige just yet. I wanted to update some other things first. And yes, this is going to be a long post.

Last Thursday, I went to Uvalde to see Dr. Uptergrove (my doctor presently) to check hearttones via the belly for the first time since we had had some problems. It was a little nerve racking because at first he could not find them. After several minutes of searching, he says, "the Siemens rep just dropped off a new sonogram machine for us to try out here in the office, let me go grab it." At this point, I finally took a breath and held it, thinking to myself please, please be there. He rolled in the new machine and booted it up. As soon as he placed the ultrasound head on my belly, there "he/she" was, kicking and squirming all over the place. After I took another deep breath and relaxed, it was fun to lay there watching and wondering about this new life growing inside of me. And I admit, I adore technology and I miss not having a sonogram machine close by at times.

It is neat to have relationships with lots of people. Even moving away from Abilene, I am still connected to the people who have been a huge influence in my life. For example, I am really blessed because Dr. Shudde, who delivered Jake and Jillian, and is one of my mentors, was a roommate with Dr. Uptergrove (small world). When I met Dr. Uptergrove for the first time in person, I felt like I was talking to Dr. Shudde. I immediately felt at ease. Not to mention the fact that he had on cowboy boots. (Dr. Shudde delivered Jake and Jillian with his cowboy boots on :)! )For us, it is now a tradition for our kids to be delivered by someone wearing cowboy boots. It looks like we will be able to keep tradition and take pictures of Dr. Uptergrove in his boots delivering this kiddo, too!

Work has been busy. Lots of viral illness going around, including both Jeff and I. I will be glad when we can get some rain and wash the moutain cedar out of the air, along with the dust. Forecast is slim that we will get any rain any time soon.

We are looking forward to this weekend. Pat and Steven (Jeff's parents) will be coming down from Abilene to see us and help us "build a wall" that we have not been able to finish yet. The kids, especially Jake, are very excited that Nanny and Pa will be here tomorrow.

Lastly,I was informed by someone, "Grief is like an onion". Funny phrase, but, seriously true. It is hard to believe that this time last year, one of the most difficult events of my life was taking place. I was blessed to be able to take a month off of work to care for my Daddy at his home, after being diagnosed with stage IV brain cancer. As a nurse, it is sometimes a blessing and a curse to know what you know. There were times when my faith was tested. There were even a few times when my knowledge of the human body and its limits, were exceeded by reasons that are out of this world. Ultimately, I am so thankful for the precious time I got to spend with him in his final weeks and days. Skip forward to now. I am really struggling with depression. I have been having tearful episodes and not wanting to do anything at all. (Which is problematic knowing that my mother and father-in-law are coming and cleaning, i'll admit, is not a high priority at this point.) It seems like everything has been reminding me of Daddy and I break into tears. I have even stayed home from church because I was afraid of "loosing" it during the song service. As a Christian,I know where he is and I am so thankful that God was merciful and took him home where he would not have to struggle anymore, but I am dealing with a little anger that he had to go "home" so soon. The memories right now are still so fresh and I am really having a rough time peeling off the latest layer of the grief "onion". Having never lost anyone so close before, this one has been tough.

I solicit your prayers for me as well as my family during the next couple of weeks as we remember the life and loss of my dad.